Teacher’s bald head reflects light, blinds student

PE teacher Stefan Green is under fire after he and a student were involved in a freak accident in the atrium earlier today. Witnesses say that Green entered the atrium carrying a dozen donuts when a beam of light shining through one of the windows bounced off of his scalp and blinded a nearby student. The student has been taken to Children’s National Hospital and is in stable condition. Doctors have yet to determine the extent of the damage to their vision.

“It was wild,” attests a 10th grade student who was present in the atrium at the time. “For a second the whole room was full of blinding white light.”

Green had reportedly moisturized his scalp the night before. As such, his skin was ‘unusually lustrous,’ sources say, although some are doubting that his skin could achieve that level of reflection without more significant artificial manipulation.

Green was interviewed for this article but refused to speak extensively: “This was a traumatic experience for everyone,” he stated. “I’d rather not get into it right now. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some very important jury duty to go to.” When asked about the brand of moisturizer he used, Green only winked and walked away.

While school administrators are aware of the situation, they are reportedly very hesitant to assign blame. “It was a complicated situation,” says one administrator who preferred to remain anonymous. “We’re looking into it, but for now it’s unlikely that any blame will be assigned. Those windows let in a lot of light.”

Happy April Fools Day from the staff of the Current!