Get excited, H-B students! Next school year, H-B will begin offering a lobotomology class for high schoolers. If you’re interested in signing up for this class now, signing up to be a practice patient, or if you simply have a passion for lobotomies, this is the place for you.
You might be very excited for our upcoming lobotomology class at H-B, but maybe you also don’t completely understand what a lobotomy is.
Lobotomies are a discredited form of treatment for psychiatric and neurological disorders. This treatment involves severing connections in the brain’s prefrontal cortex. Historically, they were often used to treat patients with schizophrenia and other serious disorders. Side effects of lobotomies include epilepsy, personality changes, brain abscess, dementia, and death.
Because lobotomies were disgraced decades ago for being strange and unnecessary, you might be wondering why H-B is even offering this class. Unfortunately for you, some questions must go unanswered.
Our lobotomology class at H-B will involve detailed lectures on the history of lobotomies, as well as fake operations that will mimic the real thing.
Practice patients are needed for these fake operations, but don’t worry, as they are completely safe. Lobotomology is only available as a full-year class. By the end of the school year, students will be experts on performing lobotomies.
This class is extremely necessary, and readers should disregard the fact that lobotomies do not even require a qualified or trained doctor. Have fun, H-B students!
Happy April Fools Day from the staff of the Current!